What If I Can't?

I love my job and my workplace, and things generally go well, but I was told today that I will not be able to progress if I can't be trusted to be alone in a meeting. In other words, I come across as too brazen and arrogant.

My boss was amazingly caring and gentle relaying this info to me and I really appreciate it. It's also not any surprise to me. It's not something I mean to do, and often I realize I've said too much or the wrong thing not long after I've said it. But by then it's too late. I've broken the communication and relationship with that person. That doesn't go over well in a business setting. Or anywhere really.

Up to now, I've relied heavily on my trusted companions - my husband and understanding people in my office who hold my hand and help me navigate in the dark. But how long can I do that for?

If it's the only thing holding me back from more responsibility (which I would be happy with since it keeps me from being bored and may also mean a bigger paycheck), then it's something I should learn to do on my own.

I cannot just keep justifying, "I am this way because I'm Autistic, take me as I am! Too bad for your feelings!" I do at some point need to grow and at least try to change. And it's not an integral part of my autism. Being Autistic is not a license to be an asshole.

I should at least try and if I fail, if I make mistakes now and then, so be it, I am human. But not trying would make me a real asshole.

There is still that fear in the back of my head - what if I can't? What if I never gain this skill? Then what?

I don't even know where to start. But I have to at least try.